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Taking refuge can give us what we really want

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When there’s a storm blowing, people and animals take refuge from it and, in a sense, that’s what many of us are doing now. There are plenty who are still working, of course, and others very busy looking after young children or with other responsibilities. But for the majority, it is a form of retreat, or can be. Time to reflect, perhaps, and time to enjoy being oneself. It has certainly caused me to reflect on many things, including a couplet from one of Thich Nhat Hanh’s breathing meditations: “Breathing in, I go back to myself. Breathing out, I take refuge in my own island”.

Taking refuge is finding safety inside as well as out

For many years, I felt slightly uncomfortable with that. It seemed quite at odds with John Donne’s famous phrase, “no man is an island”, with which I was sternly admonished as a teenager, and which thereafter always echoed in my brain. Suddenly, though, in this enforced retreat it makes sense. Staying at home takes care of the physical refuge. It also provides the opportunity to go further than that and bring the mind home, too, closer to its natural state.

Bringing the mind home

A good start is to resist the urge to check news and social media many times a day. We just don’t need so much information. It simply irritates the mind, uses up enormous amounts of energy, and drains our qi. Why shorten life unnecessarily? Taking refuge reverses that process of looking outwards all the time. It allows the mind to come to a more peaceful place, where true creativity lies. Surprisingly quickly, we can be satisfied with less and soon find fullness, here and now. Isn’t that, deep down, what we want? What we really, really want?

Drawn from The Art of Not Doing: How to Achieve Inner Peace and a Clear Mind

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Habits – when and how to manage them

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Forming habits, now there’s a thing. Someone told me once that it takes three weeks to form or break a habit. I’m not sure where that came from or whether there is any evidence to support it. Nevertheless, the turn of each new year has features editors of newspapers and magazines publishing articles on the new habits we urgently need to acquire or lose. Is that a habit of theirs they could safely shed, I wonder?

Habits don’t like awareness

We all know that new year resolutions generally fail before the end of January. Except the one not to make any, which I find works well and lasts all year! Old habits die hard, so the adage runs, and in any event it would be silly to suggest that we should have no habits all. Many are very useful, like washing our hands after we have been to the bathroom. If only everyone did. The problem comes when our repetitive thinking and behaviour (which is what habits are) have a negative impact on ourselves and on others. Then there is something we can, and should, do.

Just observe and break the chain

The key to change for the better is not self-flagellation, dieting, running up mountains or taking ice baths, interesting and challenging though such activities may be. Rather it is to become aware of what we are doing and why we are doing it. Simple awareness can work wonders because it is the portal for our innate intelligence. Try it sometimes; better still, often. Before doing anything, pause and observe. Break the chain of one automatic response after another. Starve the habit of oxygen. Those few moments of comparative silence allow something rather good to happen. What it is, though, you must discover for yourself.

Do less to accomplish more – read my book The Art of Not Doing – How to Achieve Inner Peace and a Clear Mind

Free guided meditations

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Rest or be busy? 5 essential tips for restoring balance

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Rest or be busyRest almost seems a bit of a luxury at times, even though we know deep down that it is the natural partner to activity. In spite of that, we are not very good at it. Somehow, perhaps stemming from the work ethic, it is common to attach a certain amount of guilt to resting. “I can’t just sit here doing nothing,” is so common, isn’t it? Oddly, we probably encourage others to rest but for us, well – we’re far too busy.

There is a choice – rest and live fully, or age faster

A really strong draw to getting the balance right is the thought that we are probably ageing faster than we need to. Life is often said to be a journey. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather enjoy the trip than end up at the terminus having missed the scenery. Unless we take time to do that, the body will tire needlessly and wear out more quickly. Of course we must meet our responsibilities, but we have a responsibility to ourselves, too. It is only the ego that thinks it is indispensable, after all.

Five essential things

  1. Stop. If you tell someone that you are really busy, you probably aren’t. More likely, your mind is very cluttered and disorganised. Asserting we are busy is a classic method of avoidance – avoidance of being who we really are. Try stopping for a few moments and see if the world falls apart. It won’t.
  2. Breathe more deeply and more slowly. When the mind is erratic, so is our breathing. If we slow our breathing down, the mind tends to follow. The emotions settle and so does our energy. Even if we are still moving around, we can begin to learn the power of rest.
  3. Do you make lists? Lists can be helpful and many people swear by them because writing things down often helps to clear the mind. Here’s a suggestion, though. If you have a list of seven or more items, make a second list which has just one item. It might sound daft but working through a list often means racing through it without enjoying any of the things we planned to do. So take one item only from the first list and turn your first list over. Work on that one task only and then stop and breathe. Activity and rest, that’s the plan.
  4. Walk and move slowly, taking time to feel the Earth beneath your feet and the space around you. There’s plenty of advice about taking vigorous and high-intensity exercise but precious little about the benefits of moving slowly. Don’t do it all the time, of course, otherwise you will miss your train or get fired from your job. However, a few moments of slow movement can do wonders. It’s another form of rest for the mind whilst working the muscles more deeply. (If you’re really interested in this, learn some tai chi.)
  5. Meditate for a few minutes every day. Meditation can give us a very deep experience of rest and just ten minutes can refresh mind and body, leaving us clearer and more relaxed. If you don’t know how, follow this link for an easy method. (It’s free.)

Rest in the woods

For much more on the importance of stopping and how to achieve a clear mind, take a look at my book The Art of Not Doing, available in print and as an ebook.

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Strength: 3 reasons why balance is better than muscle

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Strength taiji
Strength and balance

Strength is wonderful. When we are strong, whether in body or mind, and preferably both, we feel great and can achieve many good things. Cultivating strength seems very worthwhile. It often results from dedication, application and discipline – from gong fu. A strong character is developed through life’s experiences and, if we are lucky, sound education. Daily, we see the actions of those who have used strength in order to become powerful and perhaps wonder if it is such a good quality after all. In taiji (tai chi), we emphasise balance as the way to become strong. Being powerful should be of no interest whatsoever. Here’s why this is essential, not just in taiji, but to leading a happy life.

Strength lies in the beauty of the play of yin and yang

Life is a continual play of opposites. Once we accept and understand this, we don’t need to cling onto what is good, nor fear the bad. When we cling, we become very yin. When we fight, we become very yang. Both are states of weakness and imbalance that are detrimental to health and wellbeing. They can also cause problems and unhappiness for those around us. No good points there, then. But all we need to do is let go. In taiji, we learn to relax in our movements so that the blood and qi can flow through the body unimpeded. Good upright posture but relaxed and open. Strength is in grace and poise, not power. The principle in life is the same. Balance yin with yang, and yang with yin. No forcing – just play.Strength tree

Head points to Heaven, feet to Earth – don’t forget the feet

There is a very valuable principle in taiji of being rooted. When we begin learning the movements, the placing of the feet in the correct position is drummed into us. Only much later can we understand why this is so important. When we know how to relax the body, including the feet, and to open the joints, which takes a long while to develop, the experience of being rooted comes. It’s a wonderful feeling. There is enormous strength in being connected to the Earth in this way. It is very difficult for others to push or pull us off balance. In modern life we tend to focus in the head and forget the feet. The world is more than a little crazy because we have become very clever but in the process have lost our stability.

The Goldilocks effect

Muscles are better than porridge. Even if you are a porridge fan, you can’t eat porridge without muscles. Some people like to build up their muscle bulk to acquire an impressive physique. Oddly, you don’t see animals going to the gym or lifting weights, but you do see them stretching. Strength isn’t about having big muscles but having a body that is fit for purpose. Too little muscle, and we are weak; too much and we become tight and lose some of our flexibility. Like Goldilocks’s choice of porridge, there is a midpoint that is just right. In taiji, there are moves that involve standing on one leg. Most people wobble a bit at first. Gradually, through doing relaxed movements, strength builds up. A stiff leg isn’t strong, we discover. We learn, too, that a taut abdomen makes us weaker, paradoxical though that may seem. In life, too, there is a midpoint in everything. The Middle Way. Now, that’s strength.

For an exploration of finding the middle way in life, read my book The Art of Not Doing available here.

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Diet: the Vegans may have landed but don’t lose the feeling

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Diet and feelingDiet is a strange thing. The word itself dates back a long way to Middle English and beyond, and it essentially referred to a way of life. More often than not, these days it seems to mean a temporary trend in a way of eating – except in January when it means how to sell a lot of books, of course. Diet used to be a part of one’s culture, for good or otherwise, but now it’s a fashion.

Diet – a matter for the intellect or intuition?

Never before has there been such a wealth of information on the subject of nutrition and diet, nor such a diversity of types of food available to us. There is so much material to read, watch or listen to. Always, someone somewhere is saying what is good for us or what will surely kill us off. Advice is so plentiful that it can give us indigestion of the mental kind. But why is there so much? Are we really so out of touch with ourselves and our bodies that we need someone to tell us what to eat and drink? Sadly, I think the answer to that may be yes but it needn’t be. I believe it’s not too late to escape this madness.

Listen to your body and give your mind a break

Slowing down and listening to the body can provide all the information we need. But because we are bombarded by so many stimuli, we forget to listen. Diet should be the result of intelligence – innate intelligence – not the intellect.

A simple and effective technique to avoid diets

Next time you are thinking about what to eat or drink, slow down and feel your breath. Place a hand on the abdomen for a few seconds. Gradually, as this becomes habit, you will always know what is good and what your body needs. Your body will tell you, through the sense of touch and through the faculty of inner listening. It’s simple, it’s satisfying and it works. (Oh yes – and it’s free.)

Being in touch with yourself and your natural rhythms is set out in much more detail in The Great Little Book of Happiness – A Guide to Leading a Happier Life 

For free meditations and information on occasional workshops, take a look at the Joyousness website.

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