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Sex or celibacy – which is better for the soul?

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Sex is one of the strongest motivators and deepest desires within the human psyche. It’s so powerful that we can think we love someone when we are merely attracted to them.

Sexual desire can arise within a loving relationship, so it would be an oversimplification to say that sex has sex relationshipnothing to do with love. Love can emerge, too, in a relationship that begins as a predominantly sexual one. In either case, desire forms an important aspect of sex. Part of that stems from the purely biological side to sex. Our bodies are programmed for sexual reproduction, so desires can naturally arise from hormonal and other biochemical changes.

Sex and subtle energy

If we look a little more deeply, underlying and informing the body is a subtle energy system. This includes the network of meridians in acupuncture and other healing arts. Tibetan medicine describes the energy flows as winds, which gives a hint of how subtle, and indeed volatile, they are. Sex and the sexual function play a major part in this system. If artificially stifled, there can be significant interference with the natural flow of energy. The Victorians may have a lot to answer for!

Subtle forms of energy affect the body, its nervous system and its general functioning. Our emotional and mental states can affect the balance and flow of that energy. Conversely, the energy can affect our moods and feelings.

Longer term problems

If moods and feelings are strong or prolonged, problems can arise. The flow of subtle energy can be altered or obstructed and become semi-permanent. These can have physical effects resulting in health problems if the energy disturbance remains uncorrected.

Sometimes, for example, we may see that a person has poor posture. Although we cannot know all the causes of it, usually there is an energy problem which stems from something deeper.

Stagnation and the sacral centre

The point about energy and sex is that very often there is a deep energy problem in and around the sacral energy centre. This centre corresponds to part of the lower abdomen a little above the pubic area. Stagnation or congestion can be the source of many problems. Too high a concentration of energy there, for example, can give rise to a distorted sexual expression or unbalanced desire. (Of course, there can also be the opposite effect where stagnation or blockage causes a degree of frigidity.)

Sex or love…or celibacy?

sex desire pigeonsA person can often mistake strong sexual desire for love. It is so easy to turn the words “I want you”  into “I love you”. The person saying them may even believe what they utter, as may the person hearing them. As anyone really knows, that isn’t love.

Do we need to become asexual or celibate in order to love truly? The answer to that must be a resounding no. Unfortunately, centuries of conditioning, much of it in the name of religion, have beaten the spirituality out of sexuality. Only love and understanding can heal that chasm.

An adapted extract from Awakening Heart.

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Attachment or love? Why we have to let go

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Attachment is when we are drawn to something or someone and do not want to let go.  People become attached to other people, to property, to ideals, to circumstances and so on.

Attachment has hooks

Attachment is as though the mind extends tentacles or feelers into people, things or circumstances that it wants attachment containersto acquire or retain. The mind builds up different concepts or pictures about them and sinks hooks into them. Obvious examples are the many forms of possessiveness or desire. But attachment can also be holding on to a state of affairs. People often resist change because they are unwittingly attached to the present. There is a fear of losing the familiar rather than because change is necessarily bad in itself.

Some forms of attachment can be very apparent, such as in the case of an addiction. Others – a desire to maintain control, for example – may be less obvious yet equally strong.

Does it matter?

Yes – it matters because whatever form attachment takes, it results in mental constriction or tension. In terms of energy, which governs our subtle responses, we are tighter and less able to love. Attachment can seriously damage our peace of mind and our wellbeing.

attachment lotusThe heart centre

The heart energy centre is sometimes described as a lotus, whose petals open as we express love more and more. Those same petals shrink into a tight bud when we succumb to the strictures of attachment. Even if we take good care of our body and our appearance, if our heart is closed, we are less than a complete human being. Rather like those fancy roses from the bargain florist that never open fully nor have any fragrance, everything might appear good from the outside. But inside, mental and emotional tension results in a distorted view of the world and everyone in it.

Am I in love or suffering from attachment?

Attachment is often falsely labelled as love, particularly in relationships. Mentally and emotionally we are drawn towards and hold onto the other person. Usually without realising it, we seek to fulfil our needs from the other person or from the relationship. There may be love present in the relationship but there is attachment too.

If another person turns away from us or prefers another person over us and we feel rejected or perhaps feel some pang of jealousy, it is certain that some attachment is present in us. Similarly, if we fear losing someone close to us, we can be sure we are attached to them.

This sounds bad – what can I do?

Letting go and simply loving – without complication, expectation or attachment – is key.

This isn’t easy; in fact it is extremely difficult to do it completely, but gradually, very gradually, we can work towards it. Each step sets us free a little more. The freedom that results isn’t freedom from anything outside us, but freedom from our own mental creations. We created our own attachments and so have the power to dissolve them.

To unearth and release all our attachments may be a lifetime’s work. But as soon as we start the process, no matter at what point in life we are, we begin to feel easier with ourselves. We become happier. Wherever we are now is the starting point. That’s today, then.

Love simply. Let go.

Adapted extract from the book Awakening Heart

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True love: cosmic glue that heals

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True love is rare. We often associate love with romance, relationships, affairs, broken hearts – many scenarios which can form the setting for emotional pain. This is not the pain of love, in spite of what people often say. It is the pain of attachment. True love is free. There is no attachment, there are no strings.

True love heals

true love universalTrue love is an incredible energy, present throughout the entire cosmos. It has the extraordinary capacity to heal at every level because it unites and makes things whole, just like glue. For us, love is limited only by our consciousness. The mind narrows with our beliefs, fears, prejudices and emotional pain. Fortunately, even these are healed or resolved if we allow ourselves to open to this wonderful and mysterious force.

Love is universal but its expression differs according to the conditions that exist. The love of a matriarchal elephant for the rest of the herd, protecting and nurturing, is likely to be very different in expression and experience from that of many human beings, for example. But nurturing and protecting are two aspects of love that we can easily understand and relate to.

True love is an expression of all-that-is

True love is an expression of totality – of everything in, throughout and beyond the universe, both manifest and true love helping handtranscendent. Love may then be understood as something more than an individual expression. Love becomes limitless and expressible at every level and, rather beautifully, must be intrinsic in absolutely everything.

If we can understand love as some extraordinary, amazing energy or force that permeates the whole universe and beyond, that holds together, brings together, heals, forms and builds, then inevitably we must begin to understand that it is far more than sentiment or emotion.

We can love more than we think we can

Love as we may experience it as human beings is only the most dilute expression of this cosmic energy. Love is inexhaustibly bigger than we are. However, we can develop our capacity to express it. It’s quite easy. We can start by being kind to everyone we come in contact with.

The cosmic proportion of love is less easy to comprehend or imagine. But we might grasp the fact that it cannot apply to some things and not others.  Love does not discriminate – it cannot. That should be our aim, too.

All that glitters…

Because we mistake some emotions for love, we often cause ourselves pain. There are few people, if any, who have not experienced them. These emotions look like love and feel like love but are fake, just like fool’s gold. They may glitter for a while but they are not the real stuff. The real stuff is simple, straight, and comes from the heart.

Adapted extract from Awakening Heart: The Blissful Path to Self-Realisation

Staffordshire: Limited space left on Advanced Meditation workshop

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Radiance and the energy effect: why we all need it

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Radiance beamingRadiance is wonderful. It is diametrically opposed to dullness. To be radiant is to be like the sun, shining and sending out warmth everywhere. So what is it and how do we get it?

The key to radiance is love. For most of us, love is something that we perhaps mainly feel towards members of our family or a close friend. This is great but radiance needs more than that. Love needs to be inclusive, not exclusive. It needs to go beyond our immediate circle. Radiance extends to those we don’t know as well as those we do. Selfless love towards people we don’t know very well may seem a tall order. It may even seem rather unnecessary. It isn’t that difficult, though; not really. And the effects on our own life can be extraordinary.

Radiance and comfort zones

Each one of us creates a certain amount of protective space around us – comfort zones. Provided nothing radiance castle wallthreatens our comfort zone, we are fine. We have many comfort zones. Some relate to how we act in certain circumstances and others how we maintain distance from other people.

Why our comfort zones are counter-productive

A comfort zone provides a limit on how far we are prepared to extend our energy – and to a certain extent, too, how far we are prepared to receive energy from others.

When a comfort zone is threatened, the radiance from our own energy starts to withdraw. There is a “turning in” while we subconsciously draw the energy back towards us. As that happens, the amount of available energy for us to act plummets. Our light goes dull. Sometimes it completely goes out.

Extraordinary though it is, our habitual tendency to defend ourselves through our mental and emotional responses frequently works against us rather than for us.

Self defence

Sometimes, of course, some level of protection or some defence mechanism is desirable or even necessary. If we have injured ourselves, for example, we naturally guard against the injury being touched or knocked. At a more subtle level, an emotional trauma will usually result in some guardedness against anything that may carry the risk of further emotional pain.

Either way, the result is that our energy is not fully available – for ourselves or for others. To live life fully it is important that we restore our radiance as soon as we can.

Healing and flowers in the sun

Few people truly realise the extraordinary capability of their energy. Radiance can heal, bring comfort and help others realise their own potential. It helps to make a better world.

Some of the time we do well. But rather like those flowers that close up when the sun goes in, we are a little picky. Under certain circumstances we shine but when the conditions change, we close up – sometimes partially and at other times completely. Then we lose out. Energy level drops and the feel-good factor disappears.

What we really, really want

Deep down, we don’t want that. We want to be happy. So we need to learn how to reverse the tendency towards unnecessary self-protection. Instead of being black holes, we can be like miniature suns. We will have more energy, more fun and more joy in our lives. Radiance really is a no-brainer.

Adapted from Awakening Heart: The Blissful Path to Self-Realisation

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