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Losing those we love, and the search for constancy

February 15, 2020 by Andrew Marshall Leave a Comment

We all lose friends and loved ones, at various times during the course of our lives. When separation happens, life can be painful. In that moment, a familiar feature of the landscape of our life disappears and nothing seems the same anymore. Like a drawing in wet sand that gradually fades with the ebb and flow of the waves that pass over it, what was real to us is no longer there.

It is not just emotional pain, either – the fine and rather subtle energetic connection that existed between us is rent, like a broken cobweb. That has to heal.

Constancy versus change

Most of us resist change. There is a deep aspect of our psyche that craves constancy. A bit of excitement is okay, but on our own terms, please. We could say that constancy is more Yin in nature and change is more Yang. When our Yin side is strong, we enjoy a stronger connection to life and are more able to cope with change.

Life is a play of these apparent opposites; one cannot be without the other. When we are emotionally attached to someone, to something or to some ideal, the constancy in that relationship satisfies the Yin aspect. It provides an anchor or root. When that is removed, our balance is gone and we become very wobbly. We will miss the joy and stimulation of that friendship, too – the Yang side – which is why so often we can feel numb.

Restore your connection

We are very complex creatures with many layers of energy, mind and emotions. When we suffer loss, it is very easy to lose our perspective on life. The computer of the mind goes a bit haywire. That is why it is important that we push the “safe restore” button. Stand or sit up straight with your feet flat on the floor or ground. Let your body reconnect with the Earth and your mind with the Universe. Keep the head up but let the shoulders relax. Don’t do anything else or look for anything to do. Let the breath look after itself. Stay for a while…


Book now for our next meditation and energy workshop in Staffordshire, which is coming up soon. More details.

Do less to accomplish more? The Art of Not Doing: How to Achieve Inner Peace and a Clear Mind is still available.

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Filed Under: The Art of Not Doing Tagged With: attachment, body, breath, consciousness, dealing with shock, death, earth, emotions, energy, grieving, inner peace, joy, letting go, loss, qi, relationships, subtle body, wellbeing, zen

Sex or celibacy – which is better for the soul?

September 23, 2016 by Andrew Marshall Leave a Comment

Sex is one of the strongest motivators and deepest desires within the human psyche. It’s so powerful that we can think we love someone when we are merely attracted to them.

Sexual desire can arise within a loving relationship, so it would be an oversimplification to say that sex has sex relationshipnothing to do with love. Love can emerge, too, in a relationship that begins as a predominantly sexual one. In either case, desire forms an important aspect of sex. Part of that stems from the purely biological side to sex. Our bodies are programmed for sexual reproduction, so desires can naturally arise from hormonal and other biochemical changes.

Sex and subtle energy

If we look a little more deeply, underlying and informing the body is a subtle energy system. This includes the network of meridians in acupuncture and other healing arts. Tibetan medicine describes the energy flows as winds, which gives a hint of how subtle, and indeed volatile, they are. Sex and the sexual function play a major part in this system. If artificially stifled, there can be significant interference with the natural flow of energy. The Victorians may have a lot to answer for!

Subtle forms of energy affect the body, its nervous system and its general functioning. Our emotional and mental states can affect the balance and flow of that energy. Conversely, the energy can affect our moods and feelings.

Longer term problems

If moods and feelings are strong or prolonged, problems can arise. The flow of subtle energy can be altered or obstructed and become semi-permanent. These can have physical effects resulting in health problems if the energy disturbance remains uncorrected.

Sometimes, for example, we may see that a person has poor posture. Although we cannot know all the causes of it, usually there is an energy problem which stems from something deeper.

Stagnation and the sacral centre

The point about energy and sex is that very often there is a deep energy problem in and around the sacral energy centre. This centre corresponds to part of the lower abdomen a little above the pubic area. Stagnation or congestion can be the source of many problems. Too high a concentration of energy there, for example, can give rise to a distorted sexual expression or unbalanced desire. (Of course, there can also be the opposite effect where stagnation or blockage causes a degree of frigidity.)

Sex or love…or celibacy?

sex desire pigeonsA person can often mistake strong sexual desire for love. It is so easy to turn the words “I want you”  into “I love you”. The person saying them may even believe what they utter, as may the person hearing them. As anyone really knows, that isn’t love.

Do we need to become asexual or celibate in order to love truly? The answer to that must be a resounding no. Unfortunately, centuries of conditioning, much of it in the name of religion, have beaten the spirituality out of sexuality. Only love and understanding can heal that chasm.

An adapted extract from Awakening Heart.

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Filed Under: Awakening Heart Tagged With: desire, energy, falling in love, love, sex, sexual energy, subtle body

Resentment sucks – it’s really bad for you!

November 27, 2015 by Andrew Marshall Leave a Comment

Letting go of grievances and resentment is not only necessary for our own development – it is essential for good health. Let’s look at why.

There’s more to the eye…

Rather like an onion with its many layers, there is far more to a human being than the façade of the physical body. There are deeper layers. If we “peeled back” the physical layer, we would find something like a blueprint of what we see on the outside. This is sometimes called the etheric or vital body and the various meridians and other channels through which chi flows help to form this. If the etheric body goes out of balance, sickness arises in the physical body; if the etheric body is well-balanced, good physical health and well-being are the result.

A little deeper than this is the subtle body through which feelings are experienced, sometimes called the emotional body, and deeper still is the mental body in which thoughts and imagination have their place. Each of these bodies is inter-linked with the others. For example, a negative thought will cause a reaction in the emotional body, so a bad feeling will arise; this in turn affects the balance of energy in the etheric body so our vitality and sense of well-being take a knock. This, if prolonged, can result in sickness or some other manifestation of poor health.

Three healthy reasons why we need to let go of resentment

If we hang onto grievances, or thoughts of guilt in relation to ourselves, knots, stagnation and blocks in the flow of energy will arise in our mental body. These will have an effect on our emotions and these in turn will adversely affect the energy flow within the etheric body. Our vitality will go down and we just won’t feel good. If we could see the auraResentment face of someone holding resentment, we might see dark unpleasant patches in it, like black holes, with red flashes when the resentment is aroused. That doesn’t make for a pretty sight and even though the aura may not be seen by most people, it can still be sensed. Resentment and anger are very ugly things. A number of things can happen if we hold onto past wrongs, whether they are our own mistakes or someone else’s:

  1. We will experience a lack of clarity and our thinking will be distorted. Uncomfortable feelings or emotions, upset energy, a weakening of the immune system and generally feeling out of balance are inevitable. If we hold onto this for a long time, illness is very possible.
  2. The subtle energy centre of the heart, where warm feelings would normally arise, will be closed off – slightly when the memory of the resentment is dormant and greatly, or even completely, when the memory surfaces.
  3. The body’s circulation will be affected by constrictions in the etheric body, the nervous system will be agitated and the endocrine system will be adversely affected.

Negative thinking eventually wears the body out as well as ruining our happiness. Resentment literally sucks. It drains the energy right out of us. Letting go of wrongs (or what are perceived as wrongs) is essential for our health and our happiness.

For the world, too

On a wider level, society, too, needs to let go of many wrongs. Holding onto the past is resulting all over the world in warfare, famine and racism, to name but three. But society cannot let go unless the individuals within it let go in their own lives.

So the responsibility for letting go goes beyond what is good for the individual. If we want a better world, we have to learn to forgive. No matter how justified resentment may seem, we have to let it go.

More on this in The Great Little Book of Happiness. This article is an adaptation of an extract from Chapter 2.

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Filed Under: Health Tagged With: chi, energy, forgiveness, health, resentment, subtle body

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