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Losing those we love, and the search for constancy

February 15, 2020 by Andrew Marshall Leave a Comment

We all lose friends and loved ones, at various times during the course of our lives. When separation happens, life can be painful. In that moment, a familiar feature of the landscape of our life disappears and nothing seems the same anymore. Like a drawing in wet sand that gradually fades with the ebb and flow of the waves that pass over it, what was real to us is no longer there.

It is not just emotional pain, either – the fine and rather subtle energetic connection that existed between us is rent, like a broken cobweb. That has to heal.

Constancy versus change

Most of us resist change. There is a deep aspect of our psyche that craves constancy. A bit of excitement is okay, but on our own terms, please. We could say that constancy is more Yin in nature and change is more Yang. When our Yin side is strong, we enjoy a stronger connection to life and are more able to cope with change.

Life is a play of these apparent opposites; one cannot be without the other. When we are emotionally attached to someone, to something or to some ideal, the constancy in that relationship satisfies the Yin aspect. It provides an anchor or root. When that is removed, our balance is gone and we become very wobbly. We will miss the joy and stimulation of that friendship, too – the Yang side – which is why so often we can feel numb.

Restore your connection

We are very complex creatures with many layers of energy, mind and emotions. When we suffer loss, it is very easy to lose our perspective on life. The computer of the mind goes a bit haywire. That is why it is important that we push the “safe restore” button. Stand or sit up straight with your feet flat on the floor or ground. Let your body reconnect with the Earth and your mind with the Universe. Keep the head up but let the shoulders relax. Don’t do anything else or look for anything to do. Let the breath look after itself. Stay for a while…


Book now for our next meditation and energy workshop in Staffordshire, which is coming up soon. More details.

Do less to accomplish more? The Art of Not Doing: How to Achieve Inner Peace and a Clear Mind is still available.

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Filed Under: The Art of Not Doing Tagged With: attachment, body, breath, consciousness, dealing with shock, death, earth, emotions, energy, grieving, inner peace, joy, letting go, loss, qi, relationships, subtle body, wellbeing, zen

Mortality: why our own impermanence is such a wonderful gift

November 30, 2018 by Andrew Marshall 1 Comment

Mortality wealthMortality or immortality? Given the choice, which would you choose? Those who regularly buy lottery tickets dreaming of untold riches might think living forever would be the most fabulous gift of all. Provided the money didn’t run out, of course. That view might change as the body begins to creak and groan. Nevertheless, certain events in life can – and should – make us reflect on our own temporality. Such thoughts are not always happy, hence the burgeoning market for anti-ageing serums, Botox and the like. But perhaps mortality is not something to fear and could bring a sense of freedom, even joy.

No end, no beginning

When a tree dies, we know that all the materials that made that tree simply change into something else. There isn’t an end, just change. In fact, it’s very hard to say when the tree began. Was it when the seed sprouted, or the seed itself – perhaps the flower of the mother tree? It’s the same with us. The chain of events that led to our appearance is without beginning. Remove one ancestor from any generation and we would cease to be.

Mortality ancestorEmbracing mortality can be a blissful release

Instead of resisting life’s natural flow, we can embrace the ephemeral nature of life. That doesn’t mean simply accepting the obvious fact that one day we are going to die. Rather, it involves understanding that our appearance on this Earth, and that is what life is, is a miraculous product of constantly changing conditions. Our body didn’t suddenly materialise out of thin air. There are causes which put it together, maintain it and change its form. That’s all mortality is – impermanence of form. Not only that, our body is made entirely of recycled material. It is actually recycling all the time and the body we had in our youth simply doesn’t exist anymore. That’s pretty amazing. Don’t resist the changing face in the mirror. It’s meant to change. Cheers!


See more in The Art of Not Doing

Free guided meditations

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  1. Losing those we love, and the search for constancy
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Filed Under: The Art of Not Doing Tagged With: ageing, aging, attachment, body, cause and effect, consciousness, death, fate, happiness, inner peace, joy, karma, letting go, rejuvenation, self-liberation, wellbeing, youthfulness, zen

Stillness and clarity: here’s how they can save your life

August 5, 2017 by Andrew Marshall Leave a Comment

Stillness truly is remarkable. Nothing can go wrong in stillness. When the mind is truly peaceful, we are safe. Even when we are ill, if we are at peace, there is nothing to fear, not even death. From the deepest level of our being, we know that everything is all right. It is a remarkable way to live but when life is so busy, is it really possible?

Stillness zen garden
Zen meditation garden

Stillness or worry – which is better?

Worry may be exceedingly unpleasant but it is unusual for someone to be completely free of it. As a society, we are addicted to it. Commerce and the media thrive on making us worry – generating incipient fear that we will lose out if we don’t buy goods or subscribe to services that we didn’t know we needed. Once, it was okay and even good to age gracefully but now wrinkles and less-than-pure-white teeth are things to avoid, they say. This is all a far cry from stillness. As is the pressure to be up-to-date with the latest story. Well, here’s some breaking news: we don’t need breaking news.

Discover what you don’t need and be free

Whenever I think of stillness, the image of a Zen monk comes to mind. I don’t know why. Perhaps there is something about simplicity that is inherently attractive. Life is so complex now. There used to be a choice of tea, coffee or water; now you almost need encyclopaedic knowledge to make a decision. That’s not a bad thing, necessarily, but it makes for a busy mind in even the most mundane things.

The antidote is to drop the clutter from our minds. When you find yourself chasing after something, just stop for a moment. Ask yourself, “Do I really need this?” Take a breath or two and feel the tension in the body. Ask the question again and feel the reaction in yourself. More often than not, the answer will be a no and you can let go.

Clarity switches the light on

If we stop thinking about trivia, cease our worrying and end our chasing after rainbows (or unicorns now, I’m told), we begin to relax and let our energy settle. We start to enjoy greater clarity and feel more alert. Light enters the mind.

When we practise taiji, we begin by standing still to do just that. It is as though we have a glass of muddy water. The mud starts to settle. The water gradually clears as a result of the non-movement. If we can then move without stirring up the muddy sediment, we have learned the skill of stillness in action.

You don’t need to learn taiji to experience this. Just sit or stand. Be still. Breathe. And enjoy being alive. There – you’ve saved your life!


Cutting down on too much thinking and doing is tremendously powerful. Read more in my book The Art of Not Doing .

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Filed Under: The Art of Not Doing Tagged With: ageing, attachment, breath, consciousness, death, energy, health, inner peace, mind, mindfulness, release, stress, tai chi, tranquillity

Consciousness – your most important asset

June 11, 2016 by Andrew Marshall Leave a Comment

Consciousness is more than a description of wakefulness. It is as fundamental as life itself. Without consciousness, we do not exist but does its quality matter?

Quality of consciousness v. quantity of actions

What is more important – our consciousness or our actions? Society tends to judge its members by what they achieve and, sadly but inevitably, we are affected by that. Value is put on what people do. Life is dominated by an ethic that demands that we be doing something, all the time.

This belief creates patterns of thought in virtually all of us, so that we are preoccupied with doing and being busy. Whether we spend our life consciousness busyrunning a home, studying, going out to work or caring for others, in most of us there is a tendency to need to be doing things. Because of a sense of guilt, many of us feel a need to be seen to be doing things, otherwise we may be perceived as lazy. It becomes a habit. Many people who retire from work find that they feel they have to be engaged in something because that is the culture we live in. One man told me it took him five years after retiring before he could allow himself to sit and do nothing for a while without feeling guilty.

But is what we do always so important? Pareto came up with the principle that 80% of what we achieve comes through only 20% of our actions. From my observations throughout life, even that is optimistic for many people. Given that we spend so much time engaged in action, is life so much better for it?

Why are we here anyway?

If we look at why we are here on the face of the Earth, we might come up with several answers. Some may say we are here to improve the lot of others, some may say our purpose is to love, whilst there are those who say we are here to learn and gain experience.  Quite a number, who perhaps haven’t looked at things as deeply as they might, hold the view that we are here by chance or accident.

It is for each of us to find why we are here and the answer for each of us may be different in its detail. But the essence of all the answers must be that the reason we are all here is to evolve.

That process of evolution must include improving, widening, deepening and clarifying our consciousness, an unfolding that is often called enlightenment. If that is the case, it must be that whatever we undertake should be done with the fullest awareness we are capable of. If our awareness is only partial and is on other things while we are carrying out an action, we are only living partially. Our consciousness is split, which makes improvement difficult.

It’s not what you do…

That brings us back to the question posed a few moments ago – what is more important, our consciousness or our actions? The quality of our consciousness is the most important thing in any given moment and provided we look after our consciousness, the actions that we carry out will be filled with quality. As the old song says, “It’s not what you do, it’s the way that you do it.”

Please do not think that I’m encouraging you or anyone else to stop doing things. But it’s better to do something well and with full awareness than to rush through half a dozen things with only half a mind on the job. Make sure you are always fully aware in the present moment. This means relaxing in your body and carrying out whatever needs to be done with calmness and clarity. It may be that you will carry out fewer actions but you will be fully alive and that is what matters. This will bring poise and gradually your life will become more serene. Being will become part of doing.

consciousness last breathThe in-tray’s last breath

Someone wrote years ago that the in-tray is never empty. There will always seem to be something waiting to be done. One day this life will be over and we won’t be able to reach for the in-tray. But what we will have with us is our consciousness. Will that consciousness have been improved as a result of our life? At that point, that very final point, that is all that is going to matter.

From The Great Little Book of Happiness

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Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: consciousness, death, happiness, living, mind, mindfulness, thinking

Understanding death truly is liberating

January 30, 2016 by Andrew Marshall Leave a Comment

Understanding death: there is no birth or death, just appearance

The body we have now was in fact never born. Understanding death requires us to see that there is no single thing that can be identified as the body. It has constituent parts that are constantly changing. Even conception and the growth of the embryo are not beginning points – they are conditions which have their preceding conditions. The body we have now is not the same as the body that came out of our mother’s womb; it has evolved from it but is not the same, just as a tree is not the same as the seedling it once was. Our present body was not born but is an appearance resulting from preceding and current conditions. This is a point that we really need to meditate on quite deeply.

understanding deathWhen the time of what we call death comes, the body will not be the same as it is at this minute. Some prefer to say that it is the body that dies rather than the person, in an acknowledgment that consciousness and the body are not the same. The subject of death is a very profound one, too deep to go into at this point. For our current purpose, it is enough to contemplate the temporary nature of the body and the fact that at death the elements of our physical appearance and structure do not cease to exist – they change into other things, whether that is through rotting in the ground, cremation or some other process. The body and its constituent parts are merely recycled.

What is the point of contemplating like this? Done well, it releases very powerfully much of the tension that comes from the excessive attachment (and sometimes aversion) we have to the body. Releasing that tension allows us to become more in tune with our psychic energy – the dynamism and creativity of our spiritual nature that is beyond time, and beyond death.

From The Art of Not Doing

In memory of Neil Stanley Kirk

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Filed Under: The Art of Not Doing Tagged With: ageing, aging, birth, death

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