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Attachment or love? Why we have to let go

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Attachment is when we are drawn to something or someone and do not want to let go.  People become attached to other people, to property, to ideals, to circumstances and so on.

Attachment has hooks

Attachment is as though the mind extends tentacles or feelers into people, things or circumstances that it wants attachment containersto acquire or retain. The mind builds up different concepts or pictures about them and sinks hooks into them. Obvious examples are the many forms of possessiveness or desire. But attachment can also be holding on to a state of affairs. People often resist change because they are unwittingly attached to the present. There is a fear of losing the familiar rather than because change is necessarily bad in itself.

Some forms of attachment can be very apparent, such as in the case of an addiction. Others – a desire to maintain control, for example – may be less obvious yet equally strong.

Does it matter?

Yes – it matters because whatever form attachment takes, it results in mental constriction or tension. In terms of energy, which governs our subtle responses, we are tighter and less able to love. Attachment can seriously damage our peace of mind and our wellbeing.

attachment lotusThe heart centre

The heart energy centre is sometimes described as a lotus, whose petals open as we express love more and more. Those same petals shrink into a tight bud when we succumb to the strictures of attachment. Even if we take good care of our body and our appearance, if our heart is closed, we are less than a complete human being. Rather like those fancy roses from the bargain florist that never open fully nor have any fragrance, everything might appear good from the outside. But inside, mental and emotional tension results in a distorted view of the world and everyone in it.

Am I in love or suffering from attachment?

Attachment is often falsely labelled as love, particularly in relationships. Mentally and emotionally we are drawn towards and hold onto the other person. Usually without realising it, we seek to fulfil our needs from the other person or from the relationship. There may be love present in the relationship but there is attachment too.

If another person turns away from us or prefers another person over us and we feel rejected or perhaps feel some pang of jealousy, it is certain that some attachment is present in us. Similarly, if we fear losing someone close to us, we can be sure we are attached to them.

This sounds bad – what can I do?

Letting go and simply loving – without complication, expectation or attachment – is key.

This isn’t easy; in fact it is extremely difficult to do it completely, but gradually, very gradually, we can work towards it. Each step sets us free a little more. The freedom that results isn’t freedom from anything outside us, but freedom from our own mental creations. We created our own attachments and so have the power to dissolve them.

To unearth and release all our attachments may be a lifetime’s work. But as soon as we start the process, no matter at what point in life we are, we begin to feel easier with ourselves. We become happier. Wherever we are now is the starting point. That’s today, then.

Love simply. Let go.

Adapted extract from the book Awakening Heart

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Qi: the elixir of youth?

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There have always been tales and legends of an elixir that brings everlasting youthfulness. These are matched by qi rejuvenation chistories of the fruitless attempts to find it. Even today, consumers spend vast sums on countless products in the hope that using them will make them as fresh and young as a new daisy in the morning dew. But daisies, you may have noticed, don’t stay fresh and young for very long. Perhaps some creams and serums do give a temporary lift of some sort or the other. Or maybe it is just seductive marketing.

Rather than searching for the latest exotic substances to eat or drink or rub in our skin, maybe we already have what we need: qi (chi). This is our natural energy and it is influenced hugely by the mind.

Qi is strengthened or weakened by our thoughts

How the mind affects the body and our sense of well-being is quite extraordinary. A mind that is aggressive, for example, will cause the body to wear out more quickly than one that is calm. If we are in a negative state – worrying or fearful perhaps – notice how our sense of well-being takes a nosedive. Our thoughts have a very definite affect on the body’s responses.

The mind and its reactions to everyday life are the cause of most of our troubles. However they play out, stress and tension arise in the mind. Like a spiral, negative thinking always produces more negative thoughts. So any product we buy off the shelf is unlikely to provide the cure. If we want to improve our sense of wellbeing, we must look after the mind.

Is qi the elixir?

When our qi is strong and balanced, we have vitality. But what can we make of tales of an elixir? If the mind is the cause of producing many of the body’s ageing compounds, it must also be capable of maintaining, or at least prolonging, a more youthful state.

The Chinese regard qi, the vital energy of the body, as an elixir. They talk of a centre in the abdomen just below the navel, the lower dan tian, as being the ocean of elixir. Qi can build up very strongly in the dan tian. There are hundreds if not thousands of specific exercises (qigong, sometimes written chi kung) that can help to increase qi. This energy can then flow through the body and the internal organs, revitalising them.

Apart from the physical movements and breathing, the mind is also very important in this process. An exercise carried out with full awareness can increase the flow of qi enormously. The same exercise done inattentively or carelessly will have far less of an effect.

Rejuvenation: being younger for longer

People with strong, well-balanced qi tend to maintain strength, vitality and mobility for much longer than those whose qi is poor. Mind, body and breath can together build up our energy and improve the quality of life. This increase of energy and quality of life is sometimes attributed to a substance or elixir that is produced within the body. At a physical or clinical level, this substance may simply be the product of enzymes, hormones and biochemicals secreted by various glands. Whatever it is, how we think seems to hold the key to staying younger for longer.

Read much more on this in Awakening Heart: The Blissful Path to Self-Realisation

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Stress? Cut it in 5 minutes or less

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Stress is not good. Over time, tension and overloads can seriously harm our health. A constantly stressed person stress and tensionis not a happy one. With unnecessary tension, we age faster. The immune system becomes weaker. Some people say they thrive on stress but they usually mean they enjoy challenges and stimulus. As with most things, balance is the key. Stimulus can be good but we also need to rest our minds and bodies. Here is a wonderfully easy stress-busting technique.

Stress buster – an easy technique to calm mind and body

Anyone can do this. It’s an ancient method and I make no claim for it. It works superbly and it’s simple.

You can do this standing, sitting or lying down but I recommend doing it seated to begin with. In fact, if done whilst seated it can be used as a form of meditation for quietening the mind and is probably one of the simplest, and oldest, forms of meditation.

For the first couple of times you do this, place the flat of one hand on the lower abdomen, just over the navel or a fraction below it, and breathe right out. As you breathe out, you should be able to feel the abdomen draw in slightly. As you breathe in, it should expand. If you find the movement goes the opposite way, it means that you are shallow-breathing. The diaphragm moves up rather than down on the in-breath which results in a shallow breath.

After a few breaths, take the hand away and begin the technique:

  • Sit up reasonably straight with the hands resting in the lap or on the knees or thighs. If you are sitting in a chair, make sure that the legs aren’t crossed at the knees and the feet are flat on the floor. It’s important to be comfortable but if we slouch, we constrict the energy channels in the body, especially in the back, and we won’t have the same benefit.
  • Place the awareness on the lower abdomen and exhale, feeling the movement of the abdomen.
  • Close the eyes and continue to breathe normally, simply being aware of the movements that come with the breathing.

stress release balloonsIt’s important not to try to control the breath in any way; this is not a breathing exercise and we should be relaxed. If you don’t like having the eyes closed, having them half closed with the eyes downcast is fine.

That, simply, is it. We should sit like this for at least five minutes. Once we become used to it, we can extend it to a ten minute session, which will work wonders. When we find the mind wandering, we simply bring our awareness back to the movement of the breath.

Help the brain, lose stress and concentrate the chi

Call it an exercise, a meditation or a technique. It doesn’t matter what we call it. By engaging in this process, we allow a number of things to happen.

  • Awareness brings our mind and body together (more on this here)
  • As mind and body unite with the rhythm of the breath, we enter a state of rest – pulse rate lowers, as does the blood pressure.
  • This deeper relaxation allows the gradual release of stress and tension.
  • Brain activity changes – a balancing between left and right hemispheres takes place, resulting in greater coherence.
  • Chi or energy in our body settles quickly, particularly in the abdomen. With practice, chi can build up in the dan tian. This is an energy area in the lower abdomen. When our chi is settled there, we feel calmer and are less prone to stress.
  • After our session, we will normally feel some quietness. This is our natural, inherent quietness that gives a calmer and clearer mind.
  • With practice, we will benefit from less stress, greater happiness, clarity and more energy. That’s what I call a result!

What do you find effective in reducing stress and giving energy?

More on this in The Great Little Book of Happiness which is available now.

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Chi: why it is crucial to your wellbeing

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Chi is the key to our sense of inner and outer health

Coursing through our bodies are numerous energy channels that carry our life-force – chi. Chi (pronouncedchi breath “chee” and sometimes written qi) is our vital energy, which flows through us, including the organs of the body. Many of the meridians, the main channels, are named after the organs that they influence. Throughout the whole body, there is a very complex network.

When chi is abundant and balanced, then health is good. The body is strong and we feel well. However, when there are blockages in the network, we get an imbalance. If we think of this system as a sort of bio-electrical circuit, we can perhaps imagine that if there is not enough chi flowing, there will be coldness and lack of energy. In other areas, there may be congestion and overheating due to overload.

The mind and chi

As practitioners of chi kung (sometimes written qigong)  and the internal martial arts know very well, chi can be influenced or led by the mind. In other words, we can affect the flow of chi by our thinking or by shifting our awareness. For example, if we breathe with our awareness focused slightly below the navel, it is possible with a little practice to feel the energy building up there.

Chi can be led by the mind because there are subtle energies in the emotional and mental layers of our being, as well as in our body. The relationship between these is very close. When we have a thought, there is a movement of subtle energy in the mental layer or mental body, as it is sometimes called. If that movement is strong or maintained, it can significantly affect the flow of chi. In general terms, if the flow of energy is good and positive, the blood circulation will normally also be healthy. We may feel some warmth or light tingling sensations, particularly in the hands.

If we think of the connection between the subtle energies of the mind (sometimes delightfully called the mental winds) with our chi, it becomes easier to understand how any upset in mind or body can create upset in the other. If the mind is disturbed, the energy in the body will be agitated. Similarly, if the body is upset or stimulated, it is likely that the mind will be unsettled too. So when we talk about becoming tranquil, it is not just calming the mind. Both body and mind are interdependent.

Breath, body, mind

The breath is far more than physiological respiration. It is the magic bridge between body and mind. Awareness of the breath is a major tool in bringing about tranquillity and, as a result of that, clarity of mind.chi more than air

When we feel agitated or upset, our breathing changes. It becomes shallower and more rapid. We then tend to breathe mainly into the top of the lungs. As we inhale, the diaphragm pulls up rather than pushes down. The pulse runs faster, the blood pressure rises and the body behaves as if the most important thing is to maintain a rapid intake of oxygen. It does this because adrenalin secreted into the bloodstream brings the body to a state of readiness for action – the “fight or flight” response. On the other hand, when we are calm the breath tends to be deeper and slower.

More than air

As well as drawing in oxygen, the breath takes in chi from the air. How we breathe also affects the flow of energy in the body. When our breath is shallow and rapid, it tends to bring more chi to the surface of the body, taking it away from the centre where its presence helps to stabilise us. In effect, the chi is dissipated and our calmness and stability disappear. Conversely, when the breathing is slower and deeper, the chi tends to build up in the centre of the body. In particular, this is at an energy centre known as the dan tian, in the lower abdomen just below the level of the navel.

If the chi is settled and stable, the subtle energies it affects – in particular the “mental winds” – will also be more settled. As a result our thinking becomes clearer and our emotions steadier. The advice that is sometimes given to someone who is upset to “take some deep breaths” has its basis not just in physiology but also in the subtle energy system.

Why breathing exercises can be bad for you

There are many systems of breathing exercise but we have to be very careful with them. If the breath were simply about oxygenating the blood and carrying away the carbon dioxide, there probably wouldn’t be any need for caution, other than ensuring that we avoid hyperventilation or perhaps even hypoventilation.

If we concentrate too much or overemphasise a certain aspect, we can create tension and unwittingly cause chi to accumulate and stagnate in a particular area. A person who once attended one of our tai chi classes attempted to do deep breathing whilst practising the tai chi moves. She made herself quite unwell for several hours because she created tension in the body and upset the chi.

So it is important that we are careful. To that end I don’t advocate anyone doing breathing exercises without personal guidance. However, we can still utilise the breath as a vehicle that harnesses the body, mind and subtle energies, enhancing our calmness, clarity and well-being. Next time, we’ll look at a simple but effective method of doing this.

From the chapter Serenity in The Great Little Book of Happiness

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Detox the mind instead of the body – with love

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detox appleDetox is big business. For years, there has been well-marketed  enthusiasm about detoxifying the body. “So-and-so’s (insert name of famous person) marvellous 7, 14 or 28 day detox plan will make you feel so much younger, vital, radiant etc. etc.” Bookshops abound with titles on the subject and, inevitably, celebrity-endorsed products are available in shops and pharmacies for us all to spend our cash on.

Perhaps we have moved on a little from one-food fasts and the fashion of colonic irrigation. Instead, now we can buy gadgets that liquidise vegetable matter that no-one would normally eat so that we can pour various green or brown concoctions down our throats without having to chew or taste anything. Who knew paradise would be like this? Call me old-fashioned, but what some people swallow as super-food looks too much to me like the slurry farmers spread on the fields around here.

No doubt some of these plans, diets and so forth work well. Whether it is due to laziness or denial I’m not sure, but this form of self-torture doesn’t appeal to me. I still have my own teeth and I’d like to keep on using them for as long as possible. And if I choose to eat kale now and again, it will be cooked and chewed before I swallow it.

For some folk this strange way of ingesting food as liquid is the bees knees. In the meantime, the makers of the various high-speed blenders, bullets and whatever else are no doubt very grateful. .And in all fairness, it has been proved beyond any doubt that filling the body with toxins and junk food can make us feel pretty awful, so there must be benefits. Please don’t get me wrong – a detox may well do a lot of good.

Detox the mind as well as the body

But life isn’t ruled by the body and we are not just a body, so if we are going to detoxify ourselves, wouldn’t it be good to find something that detoxifies the mind and emotions as well? After all, it is the mind and emotions that govern our thinking, our speech and our behaviour – which includes the act of putting food into our bodies.

If we can look after the mind and emotions, the body will follow suit. It never ceases to amaze me that we humans are quite happy to spend time in the bathroom in the morning so that we look presentable and our bodies don’t get whiffy but very few people are prepared to spend a few minutes preparing the mind for the day ahead.

Some spiritual teachers with considerable insight have said that if we could see the polluting effects of our minds and emotions on the world, we would be shocked to see how devastating they are – far worse than what we normally term pollution.

Love is the greatest detox

Love purifies because it uplifts our mind. The “rate of vibration” of the mind is raised when we express or feel detox treelove. In old spiritual parlance, the mind is quickened.

As the mind becomes lighter, so do the emotions and our vitality – we are happier and have more energy. We know this from our own experience. As these aspects of our being become lighter, dross or impurities are thrown off.

Imagine a plate or a turntable that is spinning slowly. Objects on it stay where they are purely from their inertia; their own weight keeps them where they are. Now imagine the spinning action speeding up. The objects start to move towards the edge through centrifugal force. The faster the rate of spin, the closer to the edge they go and eventually they are thrown off.

Something similar happens to our system. Negative thinking and negative emotions start to get thrown off by the lighter, positive energy that starts to flow through us as we love more and become happier. This effect on mental, emotional and vital levels of our being also carries through to the physical level. Those who have a deep love for all around them build up fewer toxins from the environment because the body throws them off far more readily.

So love is a great purifier. No, it’s the greatest purifier we can have. We don’t go around trying to love in order to have a “grand detox”, of course, but it is helpful to understand that love is hugely transforming and has only positive benefits. And it’s free.

Based on an extract from The Great Little Book of Happiness available here.

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