The Zen Diarist

Author website of Andrew Marshall

Archives

Categories

Criticism: 3 reasons it’s bad for your wellbeing

by Leave a Comment

Criticism, as everyone knows, can hurt. No-one likes to be criticised. But even so, we tend to be experts at judgingCriticism judgment what is good or bad in someone else. Often, we will be too well-mannered to say anything and remain silent. Nevertheless, our minds form a judgment. It’s a habit that goes back to childhood. And, as energy follows thought, it’s bad for us and our sense of wellbeing.

Criticism – the antithesis of happiness

Being judgmental, even silently, is the antithesis of happiness. When we are on the receiving end of criticism, the ego is easily bruised. Perhaps we feel a little indignant or defensive. Probably, we have a sense of being deflated. The wind is taken out of our sails. Our self-esteem takes a knock. Most of us have experienced this many times in our lives.

But giving criticism can be just as damaging for ourselves, too. Here’s why.

1. It destroys our inner peace. A peaceful mind doesn’t judge. Those times we feel good occur because our innate wholeness is alive. When we are truly at peace, the mind is whole. There is no division. But when we judge that this is better than that, that this is good and that is bad, we have lost our equanimity.

2. This sets in motion a chain of events. Anyone or anything that supports what we judge to be right generates a positive response in us. Conversely, a negative reaction arises towards those who are against our belief of what is right and good.

3. When we see what we like, it makes us feel better. Our dislikes, on the other hand, make us feel worse. With the former, we are more relaxed and the latter generate tension. Moods and sense of wellness fluctuate. This is normal human behaviour, so we may think there is nothing we can do about it. But the cause isn’t “out there”, it is in the mind. That means we have choice.

Cultivate a mind that is at ease to enliven your wellbeing

A mind that is at ease naturally accepts others and circumstances as they are. That doesn’t mean we are free of responsibility to act, but we can do so without a sense of blame. The world is full of rhetoric about what is right and wrong. It comes from people who think their view is the only correct one. That means they haven’t been really listening to the other. It also means they have closed their minds. When our minds are closed, we are not free. We become our own prisoner. That is no way to be and is an unhappy state.
So relax and be aware. Let the mind be at ease. When criticism raises its head, chop it off. Gradually, life becomes more pleasant. We feel better. Our sense of wellbeing improves and we begin to restore wholeness. We don’t need to fight the world anymore. A measure of peace and joy can live in our hearts. And that’s just what the world needs.

More on easier living in Awakening Heart: The Blissful Path to Self Realisation

Good article by Oliver Burkeman “Is moaning good for you?” in today’s Guardian

Related posts:

  1. Blamelessness – part of letting go
  2. Be happier in 7 easy steps
  3. Insight: 3 reasons you need this mind-power
  4. Opening the heart, no surgery

Blamelessness – part of letting go

by 1 Comment

Blamelessness is freedom

Blamelessness is a state of a mind that is free; and in an unshackled mind, there is no room for grudge or blame.

To be free, we must understand very clearly that holding onto a grudge or resentment in no way harms the person we blame for some wrongdoing. We may think we are fully justified and in some slightly warped and unseen way believe that we are meting out justice. But in reality, we’re not. Okay, it may make things difficult or a little unpleasant but that is all. On the other hand, it can cause us great damage in terms of happiness and well-being. It most definitely reduces our capacity to love others and to be a useful member of society.Blamelessness

Is there any reason why should we not let go? The short answer is “no”. There might be a million and one reasons why a finger can be pointed at someone who has done dreadful things, but blamelessness is not the same as condoning wrong actions. We are not in the business of saying a terrible deed or omission is acceptable.

The essence of blamelessness is to release ourselves and free our own energy by seeing the truth that underlies the appearance. We need to see the deeper picture. Our resentment arises from false perception – we build up a picture of presumptions and judgments. We need to change our perception, and if we do the resentment dissolves.

A simple technique for letting go of blame

There are many ways of changing our perception – for example by analysing all the causes and conditions that gave rise to the action we resent, by taking into account the incredibly complex law of karma or cause and effect. But we don’t normally have the time to do this, or the inclination. Although for very deep issues some sort of analysis may be helpful, there is a simpler method that is both very practical and easy to use. It is this:

  • See the other person as a child.

It really is that simple. If we see the other person as a child (and ourselves, for that matter), we will see that it is possible, inevitable even, for Blamelessness childthat person to make mistakes and even do serious wrongs. But a child is not judged or condemned for ever and eventually grows up and out of his or her bad habits. Each one of us is a child in spiritual terms. We are all thoroughly immature. So we need to understand when seeing the other person as a child that we are a child also and from time to time we, too, make mistakes. At first sight, this technique may seem naïve – but it is incredibly effective and, in terms of releasing our energy, can be extremely profound.

More on this in The Great Little Book of Happiness. This article is an adaptation of an extract from Chapter 2.

If you would like to be notified as and when new posts are published, please use the subscribe box on the left.

Related posts:

  1. Criticism: 3 reasons it’s bad for your wellbeing
  2. Opening the heart, no surgery
  3. Stress? Cut it in 5 minutes or less
  4. Be happier in 7 easy steps

It really is a matter of choice

by Leave a Comment

ChoiceIf you wish to be happier than you are now, you must have the will to do something about it. The choice really is yours. It just has to be the right choice.

The problem with seeking happiness for ourselves alone is that it is likely to give rise to a certain degree of selfishness. Then our thoughts become focused on ourselves. We try to create a bubble around us that keeps unhappiness factors away and, perhaps unwittingly, we become very insular. This may work for a short time but eventually a deep sense of dissatisfaction will start nagging at us from inside.

If we want to be truly happy and content, we have to be less concerned with “me”. In fact, the more we are concerned with others’ welfare and their happiness, the happier we will become. In other words, we do the opposite of what the ego is pushing us to do or avoid doing. It’s a universal law and it works. When we take the focus away from ourselves, we take the focus off the things in life which we blame for … well, blame for anything, really.

If you have any doubts as to whether it is right or responsible to be happier, let’s start with the thought that a happier human being is a better human being. Remember that moods are infectious and happy people tend to uplift others. Some people have the gift of being able to see the energy fields around people and they will tell you that a generous, outward looking person has vibrant, outgoing energy. But you don’t have to see that to know it. You can sense it. You know what it is like to be in the company of a warm-hearted person.

Vibrate happiness!

A friend sent us a quote from the late great Maharishi Mahesh Yogi: “I see only one ‘do’ in life and that is: vibrate happiness. Increase the happiness within yourself and within your surroundings because the sole purpose of creation is the increase of happiness…”

Whether it is a throwback from more austere times that has conditioned them I don’t know but many people seem to have a distinct reservation about being happy. It is almost as though they think that happiness is wrong and that they are not meeting their responsibility as human beings unless they feel and look glum. Many children, unfortunately, are brought up in families which are not happy and innocent joyfulness is very quickly lost.

We have a responsibility to ourselves and others to be happy. Inside, we have a “happiness switch”. We just have to find it and choose to use it. Sometimes it is simply a question of choosing to throw that switch, even when everything around us seems to be falling apart. There is work to do, of course, but for now we just have to decide which direction we want to go in – towards happiness or away from it.

Adapted from The Great Little Book of Happiness

Don’t miss a post! Remember you can subscribe to receive notifications of new posts.

Related posts:

  1. Blamelessness – part of letting go
  2. Why is happiness such a problem?
  3. How’s your Monster Mash?
  4. Guilt – why it robs us of self-esteem