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Saying sorry can be very healing

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To err is human. So is saying sorry. We all make mistakes most days. Most of them are insignificant but if they affect someone else, we may feel a little (or very) uncomfortable. That discomfort is reflected in the energy of our body. Unless it is put right, we will be out of balance. Some say it’s karma, the universe paying us back. I prefer to think that we set up a disturbance in our energy system that will need redressing.

Putting things right

If we know we have done wrong or made a mistake in some way, we should try to put it right. That might simplysaying sorry out of order be making a sincere apology or it could be making amends in some way. By making a genuine attempt to put things right (and we cannot always do so) we inject positive energy into the memory and so help to heal a negative pattern.

But what if we can’t? It might be that we cannot do anything or apologise because we do not know or cannot contact anyone who was on the receiving end of what we did or said. Sometimes – and we’ve probably all been there – it may be that to say or do anything would make matters worse.

Saying sorry as a meditation

In those instances it can be helpful to visualise saying sorry. In other words, we imagine the other person in front of us and offer from our hearts a deep and sincere apology. Note the words deep and sincere. It is as though we are saying sorry from our soul or spirit. It is not an unburdening of guilt so much as the expression of a genuine desire to undo any harm we may have caused.

This is like a meditation – a focus of the mind to create a positive effect. Of course, the offended party is totally unaware of this process. But at a more subtle level, who knows what may go on? In ourselves, we shift what can be a huge energy block. That can heal us and because of that it can also help to heal relationships.

You are a recording star!

Here’s a thought – everything we do or say is being recorded. Our whole being is a recording instrument and what it records affects our energy at all levels.

How we think, speak and behave leaves an internal imprint. This in turn alters the flow of our energies. These dictate how we feel and react to people around us and our environment. They affect our mental state and therefore how we perceive things. Others can often sense whether our energy is positive and open or whether parts of us are closed off. So how we are inside will determine to some extent how others react to us.

If we are positive and reacting reasonably well with the world around us, our energies will tend to be more settled. We will feel happier and calmer. Conversely, if our energy pattern is chaotic, it will tend to draw us into situations where things often go wrong. Even sod’s law is not entirely without reason. So we need to avoid negative actions and negative ways of thinking. This is not an injunction to be angelic, but at least if we try to act and think ethically, we will be more comfortable with ourselves and life will be more enjoyable. Saying sorry when we have messed up is a no-brainer, then.

More on this in The Great Little Book of Happiness

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Abundance grows from positive seeds

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Abundance is largely a state of mind. It can come simply from appreciation of others and of what we have, appreciating beauty, giving selflessly, being given a lovely smile. These are the sort of things that can give rise to joyful moments in everyday life, and when they occur it is because there is a sufficient degree of positivity in our mental make-up. Positive seeds have been sown and have sprouted.

Positive and negative seeds

To create the experience of joy and happiness more, we need to create more positive seeds than negative ones. Eventually we should aim to sow no negative seeds at all but we are human and it is inevitable that there will be moments when we think, speak and behave less than perfectly. But the more positive seeds we sow, the more abundance we will feel and the weaker the negative ones will become.

So what are these seeds? Each time we are selfless, we create a positive seed and each time we are selfish, we abundance seedscreate a negative one. Sometimes, too, we can neutralise a positive act by feeling unhappy about it. If, for example, we give to a charity out of kindness or compassion, that will give rise to a positive effect. There will be a tickle of joy in the heart. But if we give to avoid being pestered or because we don’t want to feel guilty, or even so that we look better in the eyes of others, that act of giving does not carry the same positive effect. The giving might be the same, outwardly at least, but it is our attitude at the time that determines whether it has a positive, neutral or negative on our mind.

Creating abundance with the mind

It is possible to create an abundant mind. Although joy is more often experienced and understood as a feeling, it is also a mental state. The mind is where we sow seeds or causes that will result in joy. The secret is to make positivity a habit.

There is a lovely story of a businessman approaching the Buddha for advice. The businessman said that he understood much of what the Buddha was teaching about becoming a better human being but felt he was unable to do so because of his own avarice. On his own admission, he was extremely mean and couldn’t let go of anything. The Buddha had the man put something into his left hand and then practise giving it to the right hand. Silly though this might sound to us, it was the first time the man had practised giving in any way at all. That was how it started and, because he was determined to overcome his own miserliness, he gradually expanded the practice until he was able to give small things to members of his family and later became a most generous man indeed.

The technique of giving with the mind is a very powerful one and this following exercise is wonderful for increasing a sense of abundance in us:

A simple visualisation for abundance

  • Sit comfortably and totally relaxed. Create an image in your mind of being very rich. You are a controller of great wealth, of abundance of all sorts.
  • Now visualise passing all that wealth onto others and, at the same time, others still are passing great abundance to you. Feel, if you can, a great circulation of energy which is passing freely to you and from you. Wonderful!

Energy must circulate

This is what life is like – a great circulation of energy. If we circulate physical resources, we will gain physical wealth and enjoy physical abundance. If we circulate joyous resources, we will gain joy, joyous abundance. Whatever we circulate, we gain. This is a natural law.

Thanks for reading – there is much more in The Great Little Book of Happiness from which this is adapted.

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Related posts:

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  4. Saying sorry can be very healing

Barriers to our natural joy

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Recognising barriers to our natural joy

When we cannot feel our natural joy, it is due to barriers caused by internal signals. If we have had a bad or fearful barriersexperience, for example, a memory of it is stored. When something triggers that memory, our horizon is overshadowed, as if by clouds. In energy terms, we close up. Our heart centre shrinks and becomes pinched. We become joyless. Maybe we feel hurt or a little numb. If we are strong, we might be able to masquerade a smile but inside we know we are not smiling. Our perception of the world changes and so do our responses.

What happens then? We often compound our difficulties by jumping to wrong conclusions and making false assumptions.  Sometimes, we may say things that are hurtful or inappropriate. Perhaps we don’t say something when we should – barriers hold us back. Generally, our reactions go against the flow of life rather than with it. In the body, there may well be a stress response so our sense of well-being drops; and if the reaction continues, our immune system takes a knock, too. Our experience of life takes on an unpleasant and joyless hue, which adds to the muddy residue in our memory bank.

Break down the barriers

It is possible, though, with persistence and with time, to overcome the triggers. As a first step, we need to be aware when they have arisen. That may sound obvious but actually most of us go from one moment to the next with fluctuations in temperament. One moment we can be happy then we’ll hear something, see something or just have some thoughts which cause our feelings to dip. But rarely do we intelligently look at why that dip took place. We might see it in others more than in ourselves – a shadow passing across the face, for instance. If we can look at our own dip in mood with the light of the mind, so to speak, it can be quite revealing.

The dip comes because our perceptions are wrong.

We suffer from countless emotions but they can all be said to have their roots in one of three main categories:

  1. attachment and desire (which arise from I want, I like etc.),
  2. aversion, hatred and dislike (from which anger and jealousy arise, for example) and, most important of all,
  3. ignorance as to our own nature (which deludes us into thinking we are separate from everything else in the universe).

The easy way

The easy and intelligent way of looking at an emotional response it is not to analyse its historical causes, some childhood incident perhaps, but merely to identify the emotion that is present. If we are hurt by a remark or by the way we have been treated, for example, we can say or think to ourselves, “A feeling of being hurt is present.” Keep saying it to yourself and eventually the feeling will subside. The important thing is not to apportion blame or cause – that’s the ego’s trick. Simply identify the feeling.

With practice, we might find a realisation dawning: that the feeling of hurt actually arises from attachment or pride, or perhaps both. Again, we don’t try to judge that; instead, we merely say to ourselves, “A feeling of pride is present,” or whatever it happens to be. The vital thing, though, is not to judge; we want to become the observer of the feelings so that they become weaker and lose their power over us, and not get wound into them.

Gradually, these barriers will weaken and eventually dissolve. Then we can find our true purpose in life: to vibrate happiness.

Adapted from Chapter 3 of The Great Little Book of Happiness

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  4. Saying sorry can be very healing

Opening the heart, no surgery

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Opening the heart is extraordinary. In fact, it’s amazing. I don’t mean open-heart surgery, which is incredible, too, but the opening of the subtle heart which gives rise to joy.

Joy is a deeper feeling of happiness, one that really springs from the heart and it arises when the inner heart centres opening the heart joystart to open. If we do things that result in joy, it means that at an energy level the centres have started to change. These centres are said to be very much like flowers in the sense that they radiate from the middle outwards and can close or open rather like the petals of a flower. So joy arises when the energy in the inner heart begins to radiate or, to put it more poetically, as the petals of the heart flower start to open. Sometimes this flower is described as a lotus in bud which gradually opens as we become more loving and compassionate in nature.

Opening the heart as habit

If we want to experience joy, or experience it more deeply, we have to allow or encourage openness of heart so that there is an outward movement of energy. From time to time, events in life will trigger responses in us that cause the outward flow of energy to retract. This is rather like the shadow from a cloud passing across the face of the sun that can cause some types of flower to close their petals. This happens and will always happen – it’s human life. But we can live life in such a way that the general trend is for the heart to be increasingly more open so that life becomes increasingly joyful.

The positive effect on well-being and health

The key to these energy changes is to work from the inside outwards. The more subtle the energy we work with, the greater the effects. As joyfulness and happiness are states of mind, they have a direct bearing on our vitality and on our sense of well-being.

Joy and happiness are experienced when the mind is in a more natural state, unclouded by negative conditioning. The perception of life and everything around us is different. The beauty of a flower, for example, can deeply affect us when the mind is clear. Dewdrops in the morning sun can appear like diamonds iridescent with penetrating colours. A simple act of kindness can change how we view someone. All manner of things can happen and, when they do, there is a response in the heart centre. Joy, warmth and gladness can be felt here and that response triggers, at a physical level, biochemical reactions in the body and brain. A greater sense of well-being is experienced – we feel good, there is less stress and the immune system is stronger.

A heightened sense of awareness

So many people have told me over the years how, as they have felt increasingly better within themselves, their appreciation and awareness of life have improved significantly. This is not just a change in intellectual functioning but something else goes on. As the more subtle energies improve, the knock-on effect in the physical body is not just one of health and well-being. The level of chi or prana, the vital energy that governs health and the whole functioning of the body, is improved and that has a direct bearing on the nervous system. This isn’t rocket science – if we are in a room full of stale air, for example, we will feel dull until we can revitalise ourselves with some fresh air and exercise; and as that dullness is overtaken by freshness, our senses become more alert.

opening heart awareness

Joyousness has a similar effect. As we become happier, not only does our energy improve but our sense faculties become sharper as well. Colours appear more vibrant; we will hear, perhaps, more subtle nuances of sound and our senses of taste and smell may pick up different flavours and fragrances. It is not uncommon for people to change their eating habits to different types of food as increasing sense appreciation and awareness unfold.

These are just examples but the important thing is that our awareness and our senses inform the mind, so a cycle of improvement takes place. The joyful heart heightens perception and heightened perception helps to create the conditions for happiness and joy. Life becomes fuller and richer. When increasing richness to life isn’t present, it means that there are barriers and we’ll have a look at the reasons for those next.

Adapted from Chapter 3 of The Great Little Book of Happiness

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Heart – and its secret energy

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heart centre

Heart is more than muscle

The heart is essential to our being on this planet but it is more than simply an organ that pumps blood around the body. There is also the inner heart.

Throughout the body there are many energy centres, some small and others more significant. Together with meridians and minor channels, they form part of a vast and complex network. Energy centres cannot be seen with ordinary vision, any more than electricity or the wind can normally be seen with the eye. But their effects can be felt.

Layered like an onion

If we can imagine for a moment our body as having layers like an onion, there are many levels which cannot be seen. These invisible layers are sometimes referred to as our subtle bodies. More subtle than the physical body is the etheric or vital energy system. Every organ and gland in the body has its subtle counterpart. Corresponding to the heart, for instance, is a very special centre. When the heart centre is more active and open, the individual tends to be more generous, kind and compassionate.

Imbalance in the vital or etheric energy can make us feel off-colour. Our vitality is weaker and so are the body’s defences. If prolonged, sickness is more likely to arise. Those who practise healing or the energy arts, such as yoga, qigong and tai chi, know this from experience.

At a deeper level of our being is the emotional or feeling layer, sometimes called the emotional or astral body. More subtle still is the mental body. Throughout all the subtle bodies, energy circulates. The freer this circulation, the better we feel. These have their corresponding energy centres. Throughout all these layers, energy circulates and the heart centre in particular radiates energy throughout them.

Inner and outer health

At the outer or physical level we know the good functioning of the heart is essential for good health but how much attention do we pay to the inner heart that governs the emotions and the way we think?

In the same way that the physical heart is concerned with supply, the emotional and mental heart centres – our feeling and thinking hearts – are also concerned with supply or giving. The more freely we can give of ourselves, the better the heart centre will function at all levels.

The more open our thinking is, the more easily energy will circulate throughout the mental body. Our mind will feel clearer and calmer. As a result, the emotional heart centre will circulate more energy and be freer and lighter. The channels and centres in the etheric or vital body can work more efficiently, increasing our vitality. Yes, the way we think really can have a profound effect on our health and well-being.

Nurturing

The energy of the heart is particularly significant in this because it is rather like the centre of all the centres. But it needs to be nurtured and one of the fastest and most effective ways of doing this is to cultivate generosity. We may think we are generous already. That’s good. But we may find that our generosity is not as universal as we think. We have to have an open heart and that is what we will begin to look at next time.

Adapted from Chapter 3 of The Great Little Book of Happiness

If you would like to receive notifications of new posts, please subscribe to this blog.

Related posts:

  1. Opening the heart, no surgery
  2. Does how you think affect your health?
  3. Stress? Cut it in 5 minutes or less
  4. Saying sorry can be very healing