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Losing those we love, and the search for constancy

February 15, 2020 by Andrew Marshall Leave a Comment

We all lose friends and loved ones, at various times during the course of our lives. When separation happens, life can be painful. In that moment, a familiar feature of the landscape of our life disappears and nothing seems the same anymore. Like a drawing in wet sand that gradually fades with the ebb and flow of the waves that pass over it, what was real to us is no longer there.

It is not just emotional pain, either – the fine and rather subtle energetic connection that existed between us is rent, like a broken cobweb. That has to heal.

Constancy versus change

Most of us resist change. There is a deep aspect of our psyche that craves constancy. A bit of excitement is okay, but on our own terms, please. We could say that constancy is more Yin in nature and change is more Yang. When our Yin side is strong, we enjoy a stronger connection to life and are more able to cope with change.

Life is a play of these apparent opposites; one cannot be without the other. When we are emotionally attached to someone, to something or to some ideal, the constancy in that relationship satisfies the Yin aspect. It provides an anchor or root. When that is removed, our balance is gone and we become very wobbly. We will miss the joy and stimulation of that friendship, too – the Yang side – which is why so often we can feel numb.

Restore your connection

We are very complex creatures with many layers of energy, mind and emotions. When we suffer loss, it is very easy to lose our perspective on life. The computer of the mind goes a bit haywire. That is why it is important that we push the “safe restore” button. Stand or sit up straight with your feet flat on the floor or ground. Let your body reconnect with the Earth and your mind with the Universe. Keep the head up but let the shoulders relax. Don’t do anything else or look for anything to do. Let the breath look after itself. Stay for a while…


Book now for our next meditation and energy workshop in Staffordshire, which is coming up soon. More details.

Do less to accomplish more? The Art of Not Doing: How to Achieve Inner Peace and a Clear Mind is still available.

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Filed Under: The Art of Not Doing Tagged With: attachment, body, breath, consciousness, dealing with shock, death, earth, emotions, energy, grieving, inner peace, joy, letting go, loss, qi, relationships, subtle body, wellbeing, zen

When tragedy strikes

October 9, 2015 by Andrew Marshall Leave a Comment

The world is a marvellous teacher for producing things that shake us out of our stupor when we are taking things for granted and feeling comfortable with everything. Society is stirred up time and time again by catastrophic events, either natural or manmade, and the degree of shock is dependent to a great degree on the extent to which our own world appears to have been violated or threatened.

Day in, day out there are news reports of people in various parts of the world blowing other people up and committing all manner of atrocities. These tragedies are often only mentioned in passing – until one of them is close to home, in the country where we live, for instance.

Isn’t it much the same in our individual lives? People are suffering everywhere but if news comes to us that a close friend or relative has been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, it can affect us deeply. And, if we are honest, our emotions are unsettled not only because of any compassion we may feel but also because the normality of our little world has changed. The one who has always been there may not be around for much longer; and the closer they are to us, the stronger the emotional reaction is likely to be.

There are millions of examples you and I could no doubt think of where we would say that change, vulnerability and impermanence threaten human happiness. But in fact we would be wrong. The reason we would be wrong is that the threat to our happiness doesn’t lie in the things that are going to change. The cause is the way we see those them, or rather our failure to see things as they really are.

The key to happiness is largely a matter of perception and we have to correct our traditional view of reality. Our natural desire for happiness can only be met by achieving a stable state of consciousness and we do that by re-training the mind. Sometimes it takes a major crisis to spur us into doing something about that – but maybe it is better not to wait for a big event and just get on with it now.

More on this in The Great Little Book of Happiness

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Related posts:

  1. Change – good or bad?
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Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: dealing with shock, disaster, happiness, impermanence, inner peace, shock, stress, tragedy

 

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